Booster Gold vs Everybody
by LM
Summary: Booster Gold vs. the DCU in the ultimate versus fanfic! God help us all.


_Disclaimer:_

I do not own these characters. DC Comics owns them. They are used here for fun, not profit. Please don't sue.

This fanfic is dedicated to versus threads on message boards everywhere. Because I don't care if Thor can beat Superman.

  


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_**Booster Gold vs. Everybody**_

  
The first thing Skeets noticed was that Booster Gold looked extremely content as he lay flopped across the length of the couch in his yellow and blue uniform, checking off items printed on a yellow notepad in his surprisingly neat handwriting. The second thing Skeets noticed was the man in the bright green costume lying sprawled across the living room floor. The little security robot zoomed in for a closer look, then swiveled his oddly egg-shaped body back towards Booster.

"Booster?" 

"What's up, coach?" The blond superhero didn't look up. 

"There's a man on the floor." 

"Mm-hm." 

"He appears to be unconscious." 

"Mm-hm." 

"And this would be because . . . ?" 

"Because he _is_ unconscious," Booster said without undue concern. 

Skeets flew around the insensible individual once more, trying to process why the orange lines on his mask and the antennae bobbing above his head seemed so familiar. "Is this person . . . a criminal of some sort?" Skeets ventured. "Caught robbing the penthouse, perhaps?" 

"Man, you've really got to try to keep up to date on these things, Skeets. It's Ambush Bug. Didn't the cattail thingies on his head tip you off?" 

"Ambush Bug? Let me guess . . . another of your friends?" Skeets scanned through his data files and what he found gave him misgivings. Oh well . . . according to his files Ambush Bug at least had little interest in electronics so hopefully he wouldn't constantly try to convince Booster to let him disassemble Skeets like SOME bug-themed superheroes were in the habit of doing. 

"Friend? Um. No, not really." 

The futuristic superhero didn't seem inclined to give any more information, but Skeets persisted. "Why is he unconscious?" 

"Mm? Oh . . . I knocked him out. Look, could you not talk so much? I'm trying to concentrate here." 

Skeets fought the urge to make an illogically sarcastic reply and instead took the high road by focusing on the facts. "So you knocked another hero unconscious? Why, may I ask?" 

"Well, I wanted to start small." 

"Booster, you're making less sense than usual." 

"It makes perfect sense to _me."_

"I'm sure it does. Now--what are you talking about?" Skeets flew closer and looked over Booster's shoulder with his glowing red optic lenses. "And what are you doing?" 

"If you _must_ know, I'm taking over the universe." 

Skeets paused. "Excuse me?" 

"You're excused." 

"You're _taking over the universe?"_

"Well, actually I'm just taking over the world, but I thought universe sounded more--" 

"You're _taking over the world?"_

"Is there an echo in here?" 

The extensive vocabulary programmed into Skeets' memory bank failed him for an instant. At last, with a note of incredulity coloring his synthesized voice, he asked, "WHY??" 

Booster tilted his head back, simultaneously blowing a strand of blond hair out of his eyes and giving his robotic sidekick a look of annoyance. "Oh, all of a sudden I need a _reason_ for everything?" 

"Booster . . ." Alarmed, Skeets swung around to hover in front of the 25th century superhero. "While you may be the living embodiment of id, you have _always_ been a hero; I find this new behavior very disturbing!" 

"And I'm _still_ a hero, it's just--" He paused, a frown suddenly creasing his brow. "That stuff about id--that's a _good_ thing, right?" 

"Why on earth are you taking this path, Booster? What do you hope to accomplish?" 

"Look, I'm _bored_, okay? I mean, yeah, I've got the penthouse . . . and the money . . . and the girls . . . mmmm, the _girls_ . . . Um, what was I saying?" 

"You were bored," Skeets replied drily. Really, he would have to start monitoring Booster's behavior more closely. 

"Oh yeah. Well anyway, I sit around here all day with nothing to do and it's driving me crazy!" 

"Well, you are a superhero . . . Perhaps if you fought crime more instead of watching reruns of _Wendy the Werewolf-Hunter_--" 

"You think I don't try to fight crime? I try to fight crime all the time, but New York City is just lousy with superheroes these days. I'm lucky if I can stop a mugging before Green stupid Lantern shows up." Booster glowered. "He told Batman about 'Blue & Gold Delivery Service', you know. Little twit." 

"Another collaborative but ultimately unsuccessful business venture for the annals." The robot would have rolled his eyes, if he'd had any. "Perhaps you wouldn't suffer from such ennui if--" 

Booster broke into a sudden grin. "I cannot believe you actually said ennui." 

"From such BOREDOM," Skeets continued, increasing his volume slightly, "if you spent more time with your friends. Preferably engaged in harmless, legal activities." 

"Skeets, most of my friends are in limbo! _I_ don't know what they're doing. _I_ don't know how to contact them. You know the last time I saw Captain Atom? When he helped out the JLA and JSA in that _Virtue and Vice_ book--for about three panels! That was IT! _Three panels_ for a guy who once led a branch of the Justice League! And I haven't seen Fire in _years_--I think she's in South America or Central America or something. J'onn is busy with the JLA, no one can figure out _what_ happened to Maxwell Lord's continuity after Dan Vado got his claws into him, Guy Gardner's in Hell or trying to escape from Hell or SOMETHING, and Ice is _dead._ I mean, she's _still dead!_ Even after all these years! How fair is _that?"_

"What about Blue Beetle?" It was truly a mark of desperation that Skeets was actually _encouraging_ Booster to hang around with the inventor-vigilante. 

"Oh, he's too _busy_ for his friends now that he's a _supporting cast member_ in a book," Booster said in a tone that suggested he was settling in for a good long sulk. "Ooooo, _Birds of Prey!_ Ooooo! Look at me, I get _subplots!_ Ooooo!" 

"Yes, but--" 

"And what do _I_ get? A cameo in _Day of Doom_ where I have to say 'dude' every two sentences. 'Dude'? What, am I Kyle Rayner now?" 

"Booster, you said you wanted some exposure--" 

"Not in a _Superman mini,"_ Booster said darkly. Skeets suppressed an electronic sigh; Booster had disliked Superman from his first meeting with the Man of Steel and the sentiment had only intensified over the years. 

"How does this relate to taking over the universe?" the robot asked. 

"The world," Booster corrected. "Well, I wanted to do something . . . y'know . . . big. What's bigger than this?" He shrugged. 

"But Booster, that's simply wrong--immoral! It flies in the face of all your principles . . . such as they are," Skeets added in an undertone. 

"Heeeey, I heard that! Skeets, look . . . I really think you're making too big a deal out of this thing. I mean, it's not like I'm going to _kill_ anyone or anything. I'm not going to, y'know, start laughing maniacally, 'nyahaha', or talking in plot synopses, or robbing ATM machines. I just want to shake things up for a couple months, get some publicity, make a few book deals, maybe put out a few new lines of action figures. Get back in the limelight, y'know? Then I'll let things settle down, and everything will get back to normal--except I'll have a lot more name recognition!" 

"Booster, that makes no sense at all. Think of how your fellow heroes are going to react! Even _if_ you manage to circumvent them while you're 'taking over the world' how can you possibly expect them to accept you back after you've let things 'settle down', as you put it? You'll be lucky if you don't wind up in prison or worse!" 

"Skeets, Skeets, Skeets." Booster flashed a patronizing smile at his sidekick. "C'mon, take a look around. _Everything_ gravitates to its native state if you give it enough time. Remember that stupid _Our Worlds at War_ crossover? 'Ohhhhh, half of Kansas has been destroyed! Oh no, alien invaders, lots of people are dead! Well . . . _some_ people are dead. Okay, _five_ people. And four of them came back to life. But Hippolyta's still dead, mostly. Oh, and Kansas is okay again.'" Booster stretched. "A year and a half later Imperiex might as well be a new brand of car." 

"That is a _gross_ misinterpretation of the event." 

"Nuh-uh. Abridged but completely accurate." Booster maintained as he swung off the couch. He grabbed Ambush Bug by his long, springy antennae and dragged him out of the living room as Skeets followed, disapproving. 

"Putting aside the morality of your plan, have you thought about the vast number of heroes who will rise to oppose you? How are you planning to handle thousands of enraged heroes who are not enthused about the world becoming a subsidiary of Goldstar Incorporated, however temporarily?" 

"Well, I thought I'll take them out before I start, obviously. Same as with this guy," he added, pushing the green-clad hero into the coat closet and slamming the door. 

"Booster--it's _Ambush Bug._ I've scanned through my files on him. _G'nort_ could incapcitate him." 

"You think so?" 

"Well . . ." Skeets hesitated before honesty compelled him to add, "Probably. My point is he's not in the same league as Superman or Wonder Woman or Green Lantern." 

"Is that a JLA pun?" Booster asked lightly, but a defiant, stubborn expression of resolve had crossed his face when his sidekick mentioned Superman. "Look, I've got everything under control." 

"That's a first," Skeets murmured to himself. 

"Trust me--I'm from the future!" Booster said brightly, and if he noticed the logical inconsistency in his statement he gave no sign. "Now if you'll excuse me--" He flew out the opened balcony doors. "I've got to get the drop on the Heckler!" 

As a rule, robots don't groan, but for this Skeets could make an exception. "I'll bet _Robin_ doesn't have to deal with this sort of thing." 

  



End file.
